Advice for 21 year old Kevin

Today, I dug up my old Livejournal account, which I will not link to, although it would be rather simple to figure out it's url.

I posted to this account during my early years of college, in 2004 and 2005, and reading the entries literally  makes me cringe. I was a very fucked up individual at the time. I have learned and changed a LOT in just 5 or 6 years.

For this post, I will go back to one of my entries from that time, and give my 21 year old self some advice. I have a lot of friends who are around that age or even younger, so maybe they can learn something from my experiences. The text of the 2005 LJ entry will be in italics.

girls are tricky. i think they know what they be doing too.
they can get you to do anything and feel any way that they want, with nothing more than a word.
With a word, they can get you to do something, that you wouldn't do for anyone.
With a word, someone you have completely given up on gives you hope again.


21 year old Kevin, girls are not tricky. They're just completely different from you. But they're just as predictable as anyone else. Most humans have similar basic instincts and drives. Everyone is different, but when you get down to the fundamental biological drive, humans are very similar.

Also, they don't "know what they be doing". I only just realized this myself, but girls are not evil really, as in, they don't make it their goal to ruin your life. Although it often happens that girls will make you miserable, get this, its usually YOUR FAULT. hahaha didn't see that coming did you. "they can get you to do something that you wouldn't do for anyone" ? Huh? No, that's just you being a pushover.

i just finished talking to candice, and she thinks that i should make it my business to find a girlfriend.
as i said to her, having a girlfriend is not essential to my contentment, but i never dismissed the idea.
"Essential to my contentment", shut the fuck up, asshole. You know good and well that you wanted a girlfriend.

I just think its ridiculous to 'go out looking for girlfriends'. like its a game, or i'm going fishing or something. these are people with feeling and lives. not fish in the sea. that metaphor is misleading and cliche. "there are plenty of fish in the sea". What if none of the fish want your bait? What if you dont want any of those fish? What if the fish you want is in a different lake? What if you find a fish, but the fish is pregnant....
You and your esoteric references. If you want fish, and none of the fish want your bait, then change your bait, or lose your desire for fish. That's how it works. I don't think Candice was telling you to "go out and look for a girlfriend", she was telling you to stop ignoring what you obviously want in life and stop being a bitch and going out and actually talking to girls.

you cant compare girls to fish. you cant just go and catch one.
now that i think of it, you HAVE to be friends first. She was telling me "stop trying to be friends with girls", YOU HAVE TO. you cant START out being girlfriend and boyfriend. and if you do, your relationship is destined to fail.
Candice is right, and you are wrong. This is why you are constantly friend zoning girls. Relationships don't start with friendship USUALLY. Relationships start with mutual romantic attraction. You have to make the girl attracted to you in a MORE THAN FRIENDS way from the BEGINNING, or you will be friend zoned every time. If you are a thoughtful and compassionate boyfriend, only then will friendship begin to sprout in the relationship.

thats why i hate the concept of dating. im 'playing the field'...trying to make this girl my girlfriend, even tho i dont even know her! wow.
No, you don't try to make girls your girlfriend, asshole. You go out and meet people and be awesome, and some of these people will find you attractive and you hang out with them and decide if you want to proceed further.

looking for friends is way more practical. especially since YOU HAVE TO BE FRIENDS before you find a girlfriend thats gonna stay. anyway, in college at least, i can be content with friends, and if i make those, its only probably, that one of them will share with me a mutual desire to be more. if not, it will be a rare case.
In fact, its very unlikely, as you will see. You will make many many friends in college, lots of them female, and none of them will want to date you because you are a bitch.

life would probably be easier for me sometimes if i didnt feel obligated to overanalyze everything, but in the end, it doesnt even matter
Thinking before you act is good. And you're probably going to be an analyst at heart for the rest of your life, you just have to be working off of a proper theory.
and dont say it doesn't matter, because it obviously matters to you.